What are the four major parenting styles?

Research begun by developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind in the 1960s identified three main parenting styles—authoritarian, indulgent, and authoritative. Later studies added a fourth—neglectful.  

1. Authoritarian Parent:

• • High demandingness, low responsiveness

  • Enforces strict rules with little consideration of their kid’s feelings or social-emotional and behavioral needs

  • Often says “because I said so” when their kid questions the reasons behind a rule or consequence

  • Communication is mostly one-way — from parent to child

  • seeks to maintain a high level of control over their children. They may set and adhere to a strict set of rules, and are more likely to support and take part in corporal punishment such as spanking.

Children of highly authoritarian parents may struggle socially and may be likely to become authoritarian parents themselves. 

2. The Permissive Parent:

• High responsiveness, low demandingness

• Communicates openly and usually lets their kids decide for themselves, rather than giving direction

• Rules and expectations are either not set or rarely enforced

• Typically goes through great lengths to keep their kids happy, sometimes at their own expense

• Permissive parents are more likely to take on a friendship role, rather than a parenting role, with their kids.  

Research suggests that the children of permissive parents may show higher levels of creativity but may also feel entitled, and be more interested in taking rather than giving in their own relationships. 

3. Authoritative Parent:

• High responsiveness, high demandingness

• Sets clear rules and expectations for their kids while practicing flexibility and understanding

• Communicates frequently; they listen to and take into consideration their children’s thoughts, feelings and opinions

• Allows natural consequences to occur (e.g., kid fails quiz when they didn’t study), but uses those opportunities to help their kids reflect and learn

• Widely understood as the preferred approach. Such parents are more pragmatic and flexible

Children of authoritative parents may have more highly developed self-control and self-reliance  

4: Neglectful parents (also known as uninvolved or disengaged):

• • Low responsiveness, low demandingness

  • Lets their kids mostly fend for themselves, perhaps because they are indifferent to their needs or are uninvolved/overwhelmed with other things

  • Offers little nurturance, guidance and attention

  • Often struggles with their own self-esteem issues and has a hard time forming close relationships

Some children of neglectful parents may resist rules outside of the home and struggle with self-control. 

What is the best parenting style for you?

Research suggests that authoritative parents are more likely to raise independent, self-reliant and socially competent kids. But with parenting, I always feel that, there is no “one size fits all.” You don’t need to subscribe to just one type, as there may be times when you have to use a varied parenting approach — but in moderation. 

The most successful parents know when to change their style, depending on the situation. An authoritative parent, for example, may want to become more permissive when a child is ill, by continuing to provide warmth and letting go of some control (e.g. “Sure, you can watch two episodes of Bluey while eating dinner.”). 

Summary:

Research have suggested that the approach to parenting generally followed by an individual’s mother and/or father can influence the way they approach relationships, challenges, and opportunities. Although there are four styles and you may identify with one more than other, but that doesn’t mean that an adult can’t change, of course, especially once they understand what may be influencing their behavior. And parents who become aware of the pitfalls of their own style and how it may affect their kids can also change. At the end of the day, use your best judgment and remember that the parenting style that works best for your family at that time is the one you should use. 

-Dr Pulkit Kaushal (NEST CAMHS)